I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Thank you for not boning my boss.
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You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize