The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
