Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
