Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
