I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
