That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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