How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
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We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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