when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
if i can run in heels then i can drive
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
