I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
