I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
