help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize