i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm really busy with my period
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