i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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