So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
