well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
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Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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