i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
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