im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
