he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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