Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
