i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
