she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
