Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
