Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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