when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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