Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
