Cold hands, warm shart.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
