Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
