So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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