JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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