This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm like, not good at living.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
