she told me i tasted like america
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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