i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
smell my finger.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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