This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
