So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm getting married
To pizza
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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