so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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