Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
