how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
