so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
