When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize