Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
