it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
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They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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