I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
