I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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