so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
