I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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