you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
