Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
