You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
