Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
