He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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