I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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