yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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