Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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