I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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