dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
