in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
