that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
