just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
