So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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